he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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