He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
