If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
