Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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