so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
