some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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