4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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