Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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