You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
