you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
