it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize