separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
