FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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