There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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