i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
