i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
