is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
