She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
