and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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