Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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