The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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