Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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