just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
