Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
