the condom got lost in my hair
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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