i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
