he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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