You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
