I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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