So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
