i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize