i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
