He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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