She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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