I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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