it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
