She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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