She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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