Dual....:-)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
