dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
