i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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