Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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