My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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