My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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