I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
