do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
