I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the liver wants what the liver wants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i believe in u and ur pee
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
