using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
