Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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