Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
