Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
