Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
