It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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