Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The power of my boobs compel you
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
