Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
