AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
