I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
