i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
