She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
