um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
