He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize