Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
