I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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