and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
