Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
