I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
