Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
