Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
