just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
