just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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