You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
