Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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