Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
