my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
