I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
