The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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