My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
