I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize