I hate your face
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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