i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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