She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
