I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
