Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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