the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
