Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
