You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think my fart just growled at me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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