i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
