Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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