And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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