The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
