I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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