You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
