Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
