I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
