The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
