This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize