I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
