2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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